Saturday, January 16, 2010


This past Wednesday we were invited to the trial opening and staff training of Tailpipes; the new Burger restaurant on High St. next to Daniels. We rounded up the troops and invaded the place about twelve opinions deep. 

First the atmosphere. It's nice in there, set up like a 60s diner inside, it has comfortable booths and tables. The lights and fixtures all look like auto parts, a nice touch, everything is red, black, white, and chrome. it sounds harsh but it works the lighting is soft and it is comfortable. It feels like a burger joint inside.

The joy of the walk up counter..... I love the half fast food half sit down restaurant. You get the instant gratification of knowing your order is placed and having your drink, While knowing that you are going to be waited on in the near future. The staff is nice here, you place your order an the girls behind your counter ring you up and prepare your milkshake....we will get to that in a moment.... and bring out your food when it is ready....they clean up your mess too.

The Menu.... The Mad Scientist Burger Restaurant.

This place is very cool, but man, there are a lot of options, the first time for me I was a bit overwhelmed. They have about a dozen burgers planned out already. Named after mussel cars these are some Bad Ass burgers.  Moist and delicious whatever meat you choose they do take some time to come out "an extra minute or two" but they are from fresh, not frozen, meat and they are in some complicated combinations.

A few examples from memory

The Barracuda..... caramelized onions, pineapple, jalapeno BACON, mozzarella, with a teriyaki sauce glaze, on a sesame seed roll...... this is a true food porn burger this is the first one I ordered and yes I had more than one that night.

The Shelby Cobra.... An AWESOME combo on a great roll. This is good stuff here. Burger, spinach, roasted red peppers, and goat cheese with a cranberry....yes cranberry glaze. on a delicious whole grain bun. I chose to have this one made with buffalo.... yes that is an option... I should have picked turkey... yes that is an option too. With the cranberry glaze it would have been like a Thanksgiving burger.... But the buffalo is a good choice it was moist, tender and delicious....

I tasted a lot of the other burgers too and they were good, but I couldn’t eat everything there was too much to try including the sides.

The choices can be daunting. pick a gourmet creation or build your own, with what looks like to be 100,000 flavor combination starting with what kind of meat. Beef, Turkey, Buffalo, Chicken breast, or for those whiny vegetarians Portabella Mushroom Caps. Then chose from 5 types of bun including lettuce. Then what seems like an infinite amount of toppings including fried green tomatoes. The choices can be daunting but I don't think you will be disappointed no matter what you get. I guarantee you will already be looking ahead for what you will get next time you go.

The burgers are great but I would go back for the sides alone.

Onion Rings....... The myth about onion rings are that they come from a bag that was processed in some old world country like Romania.. frozen and freezer burnt, then shipped by oxcart across old Europe then delivered to the grocery store to sit in the freezer for 7 to 9 years waiting for a pregnant woman to have a craving for them.

This is not the case here. These onion rings were invited by Dr. Frankenstein. Infused with what I think was crack cocaine for addictive properties only. These cut fresh daily, tempura style battered rings are.... Phenomenally Delicious. But wait there is more. they give you a special sauce to dip them in it. They call it a fry sauce.... It is like a supped up chipotle ranch, but that doesn't so it Justice, like saying a Ford fiesta and a Rolls Royce are the same because they both get you from point A to point B. It is so good that I would put vodka in it and take shots at the bar. If it was good for my skin you could find me on Sunday nights laying in a bathtub full of it letting my stress flow away in the bliss of its peppery goodness...... Verdict.... try the onion rings.

The fries.... what kind ... that is the question regular, sweet potato, or zucchini...... Yep, options again, just like ordering a real mussel car there are options available.

The zucchini fries are really good. fresh and crisp they taste like the fried zucchini that my Aunt makes me when i go visit.... also they go well wit the fry sauce. as I am sure anything would including old used tire.

Sweet Potato fries. probably the greatest invention of the late 20th century they are doing them well here. Worth giving a try if you never have. But they go best with the MAPLE BACON MILKSHAKE..... how is that for a segway.

The milkshakes.... hand dipped and crafted with more care than Michelangelo took painting he Sistine Chapel. These milkshakes are goodness incarnate. They have the standards... for those of you with no adventure in your heart.... and they have some that are creative, there is one that tastes like an orange dream sickle... they do seasonal shakes as well. But one in particular makes your brain itch....causing you to wonder if someone in the back was having either a Dahlia Lama experience, or a life crises... well whatever happened.. the planets must have been aligned because it works.... World let me tell you about the MAPLE BACON MILKSHAKE. Thank you oh lord for the small favors in life. There are not so many things in life that can give you this particular feeling of well being. The face of a child on Christmas morning, The moment you had your first kiss, the first time your Dad told you he was proud of you. and this milkshake. It is hard for me to describe how this tasted besides what i said right after i tasted it. "You have got to be F%#&I@G kidding me".... and then something strange happened. I was overwhelmed with all of the flavor profiles coming at me at once... I thought about eating Wendy’s frosties with French fries... and I decided to do something bold. I took my sweet potato fries and dipped them into my shake..... as the first morsel of food touched my taste buds.... I felt the world around me slow down. colors were brighter, sounds were crisper, I had a warm felling wash across my soul... I snapped back and I realized that I had just experienced in that one moment... true bliss. Food Nirvana if you will.

We had a good time there sampling each others food, laughing and carrying on for a while, I was almost sorry when it was time to leave even thought I was stuffed like a fat girl in a bebe sweat suit.    

Friends what can I say besides that. I recommend this place the food is good, the people are nice, and it is a comfortable place to be.



  1. Great article Zach. That's funny.

  2. Excellent! I myself am a huge fan of this fledgling restaurant and have been singing its praises ever since taking the first bite out of my GTO burger (roasted red peppers, feta cheese, tzatziki, baby spinach). I eyeballed the maple bacon shake, but admittedly I'm kind of wary. I think I shall march down there tonight and try it. :)